4 Years Already

This year marks what would have been Nicholas & Olivia's 4th birthday.  Here's a picture of Sabrina from the day of her 4th birthday:

Wow.  They would have been little kids by now.

As the time since they left this earth grows longer and longer, I find that this day is more of a remembrance for me than it is a celebration of another milestone for them.  I can't help but think this way.  They are now ageless in Heaven and to celebrate a traditional birthday for them just doesn't make sense anymore.

This is the day that I gave birth to twins.  4 years ago already.  They did actually exist on this earth.  They did come for a purpose, that was accomplished in its fullness, as the Lord willed.  I would have done it all over again, just for the exquisite pleasure of being their mom for the time I was given.

Happy Birth-day, my darlings.  We remember you today.

Happy Father's Day!

 

Such a good dad...

Life With Zoe

Mother's Day Tribute

Ok, I have to start with a confession. It did not occur to me until it was practically too late that Mother's Day was actually this weekend. Is it earlier this year?? Since both our mothers do not live in our city, any kind of special occasion like this requires planning and forethought. *sigh*

So, on top of begging my mother's forgiveness for my oversight (oh, the infinite grace of a mother!) I turned to the Lord and asked Him what could I do to honor her today. I believe He put it on my heart to tell her about the things I remember.

My mother is a woman who likes to keep busy. Even if she is sitting still, she needs to be doing something with her hands. She is an artist with yarn, and not only has knitted beautiful sweaters for me, but I especially remember a bunting bag for my dolls she made that was perfect because you could put all your doll stuff in the bottom of it. I wished I still had it for my real babies, but we couldn't find it or the pattern again. Crochet is her preference now, and she is generous with her creations. Her handmade, intricate afghans have been given to many as gifts, including the kids at the Children's Hospital. I love her creative process. She takes great care to choose her colors and patterns, and almost always alters the pattern to make it her own. If she makes an error, she will always unravel and fix it. Even if she was almost done and it was near the beginning. It always boggled my mind that she would do that when only she would know there was a flaw. Now I know it is a mark of her character and integrity. I think she enjoys the process just as much as the end result.

My mom has a servant heart. If you have followed this blog, you know she was there for us through everything we went through with the twins. But you should also know that she has always been there for her children. I remember the lengths she would go to for our Hallowe'en costumes. She once hand-made a Raggedy Ann costume for me, complete with red yarn wig. She also sourced out all the things I needed to be a mad scientist one year. I don't know that I would do that even for my own kids, to be honest.

Our house was always neat and clean. We always ate homemade, nourishing food. I didn't know it at the time, but the care that she put into our home was a center point of stability for us. Our family had its issues, as most families do, but our home was not chaotic. And she was so kind to me. As a traditional home, the care of the household was my mom's responsibility. She would remember how she felt as the only daughter growing up, and would often excuse me from chores. I wish I knew then what I know now. I would have helped her more.

We never went out shopping on a Saturday until she took the time to balance her checkbook. I wish I had paid more attention to the significance of that. She has always been a careful steward of what has been entrusted to her, and I respect that. I wish that kind of attribute was genetic. I have had to learn that one the hard way.

I remember how kind she was to our elderly neighbor growing up. She would visit with her often, check in on her, and help her out. I admire that quality in her. I would like to be like that. My Christianity has tended to be theoretical. Hers has been practical.

There are so many more things I remember. And they are the things that now shape how I serve my own family. I have had a slow maturity. I am not the girl I once was. But I believe the woman I am becoming has had a lot to do with remembering all the ways I was served by my mother.

Happy Easter

"...in Your Kingdom, broken lives are made new..."

He is risen indeed!

Happy 1st Birthday!

It has been a most blessed year since you joined our family, Zoe. I believe your special gift, your anointing, is to bring joy to those around you. Your infectious smile, good nature, and joyous spirit brings abundant life wherever you go. We celebrate you today!

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. John 10:10

The Birth Story of Zoe Grace

Our Zoe burst forth into this world on a sunny afternoon of a beautiful spring day. I had been experiencing rumblings for days before, leaving me with a vague feeling like her arrival could be at any time.

At about 2:30 in the morning, I leapt out of bed as best a 9-month pregnant woman could. I was astonished to discover that my water had broke, completely on its own. I sleepily thought to myself, well this is going to be a long day so I should get some rest, and went back to bed. I woke again a few hours later, alerted my midwife that labour had started, and she popped by to make sure we were doing all right.

I spent the morning wandering around the house, made some soup, and marveled that I wasn't in any discomfort. Maybe my prayers for an easy labour had been answered! When my midwife came to check on us again around 1:00 she expressed some concern that labour had not really progressed and reminded me that we really only had about a 24-hour window from when my water broke before we would have to consider further medical intervention.

So I got down to work. I marched and squatted around and around my basement, reluctant to walk outside and go any distance from the house. It didn't take long for contractions to intensify and become constant around that magic 5 minute mark. Sabrina was due home from school just after 3:00 and I asked Corrie to take me to the hospital because I knew it wouldn't be long. I could feel Zoe descend with each contraction. So, after only 1 1/2 hours of active labour we met the midwife at the labour & delivery triage. I was only 4 cm but working hard, and my wonderful midwife convinced the L & D staff that I was ready for a LDRP room (labour, delivery, recovery, postpartum). I was increasingly uncomfortable, and had to concentrate very hard on keeping my inner stillness and relaxing through the contractions. This was my first labour without an epidural, and I was using prayer, breathing, meditation, and singing to help my body do the work it needed to do. We were only settled in the room for a few minutes when the tub was ready, and I was grateful for the warm water on my lower back.

However, the relaxation of the tub progressed my labour significantly, and after only about 15 minutes, I was urgently aware of an intense need to push, and the staff scrambled to haul me out of the tub and rush me back to my room. I think it was only two pushes and Zoe's head burst forth with a yell. She made her first cry even before she was completely out! Then one more push and she was in my arms.

I think we were all shocked. This was not what I had envisioned my natural delivery to be like, but I was grateful it was over so quickly. We had only been at the hospital about 1 1/2 hours, and from the onset of active labour, it had actually only been 3 hours in total. I think my body was surprised at how quickly Zoe's birth had taken place, too. The second midwife arrived to help with our after care, and she and Corrie gave Zoe her first bath. She, however, did not want a bath yet and was quite ready to eat!

I was excited and energized - we laid Zoe on my chest and allowed her to find the breast on her own. I was delighted to discover that she knew exactly what to do, and for the first time in my life as a mother, I was able to feed my child naturally with confidence. God is such a redeemer!

This is quite likely to be my last birth experience, and I'm so glad I was able to go out on a high note. Our little Zoe, full of life abundant, would not be held back and took charge of her own birth. I was just along for the ride. Praise be to God!

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.
James 1:17