Happy New Year!

I love the start of a new year.  It is fresh, full of possibilities, and a chance to begin again.  I'm also into making resolutions.  I am a person for whom the possibilities are endless, and I need the structure and discipline of narrowing my focus.

 

I have only one resolution this year.  

Not to be so hard on myself.

 

I also know that there are some areas of my life that I need to establish some convictions, but I wouldn't call those resolutions.  They are just part of fulfilling the big one.   Because in my world the possibilities are endless, I have a hard time making decisions.  Coming to conclusions.  Finishing things.  I am embarking on a journey in prayer and in the Word to establish God's truth in a number of areas in my life.  Being a mom who works.  How to manage our money with both discipline and generosity.  How far I need to go to ensure my family is healthy.  Being a person who makes decisions with wisdom and discernment, and not impulsively.  How to balance all the people and things I am responsible for, and to give each of them their appropriate place and energy.

I have felt a heart call to seek what holiness means.  What it means to live as a Christ-follower in this society, this time in history, the relationships in which I have been placed.  While this may sound counter-intuitive to my one resolution, what it means is that it forces me to learn how to run to the Lord's throne of grace and receive mercy in my time of need.  I don't know how to do that, but I sure do mean to find out. 

As far as taking stock of 2011, I would say overall it was "no better, no worse".  The areas in which we seek significant change still continue to exist.  No better, no worse.  What that tells me is that we haven't found the root causes yet, and if there's something I love to do, it is to seek out why things are the way they are.  The only area I would say that this doesn't apply is how we relate to each other as a family.  We delight in our children in a way that is better and better every day.  We have realized that the "keeping up with the Joneses" kind of world we are surrounded by is empty and false, and long for simplicity and sweet time together.  The Lord continues to be gracious to us in this area, but of course we always want more.

Practically, the significant event of 2011 I would record here would be Corrie's return to Dr. Hook early in the year.  He finally has a Ford with an auto-loader, a dream come true for him.  However, I wouldn't be surprised to see a change coming up soon, if the right truck comes along.  Or if the right job comes along.  While towing continues to be successful for him, it is at a cost of a lot of time away from his family.  We would like to see that change, if possible.  I also returned to work in February.  I returned to my same job and the Lord linked us up with a loving family close by who takes excellent care of our kids.  I think we have settled into an acceptable routine.  When I despair that I don't get to see enough of my girls, I remember that it is a gift that I even get to see them every day.  I remember that we have two more kids that we can only see in our memories.

As I was thinking of a Scripture to proclaim over the coming year, this one came to mind.  I am encouraged by the truth that God wants to refresh us from "the river of His pleasures".  Dear friends and family, it is our heartfelt prayer that you receive all the blessings God has in store for you in 2012!

Your mercy, O LORD, is in the heavens;
       Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.
 Your righteousness is like the great mountains;
       Your judgments are a great deep;
       O LORD, You preserve man and beast.
        
 How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God!
       Therefore the children of men put their trust
       under the shadow of Your wings. 

They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house,
       And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures.
 For with You is the fountain of life;
       In Your light we see light. 

Psalm 36: 5-9

Remembering Nicholas

We had a son once.

He was a beautiful boy with a gentle spirit.  He was happy and snuggly and looked like his dad.

Our house needs a little boy.  We need cars and trucks and denim overalls and army men.  We need hockey sticks and footballs and a fort in the big tree in the back yard.

Nicholas, we miss you more and more with each passing year.  Not just for the little boy you were, but also for the son you were going to be.  Our only consolation is that we will know you in eternity - all of you, the Nicholas we never really got a chance to know - and that we will be reunited then.

...for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith... 1 John 5:4

4 Years Already

This year marks what would have been Nicholas & Olivia's 4th birthday.  Here's a picture of Sabrina from the day of her 4th birthday:

Wow.  They would have been little kids by now.

As the time since they left this earth grows longer and longer, I find that this day is more of a remembrance for me than it is a celebration of another milestone for them.  I can't help but think this way.  They are now ageless in Heaven and to celebrate a traditional birthday for them just doesn't make sense anymore.

This is the day that I gave birth to twins.  4 years ago already.  They did actually exist on this earth.  They did come for a purpose, that was accomplished in its fullness, as the Lord willed.  I would have done it all over again, just for the exquisite pleasure of being their mom for the time I was given.

Happy Birth-day, my darlings.  We remember you today.

Happy Father's Day!

 

Such a good dad...

Life With Zoe

Mother's Day Tribute

Ok, I have to start with a confession. It did not occur to me until it was practically too late that Mother's Day was actually this weekend. Is it earlier this year?? Since both our mothers do not live in our city, any kind of special occasion like this requires planning and forethought. *sigh*

So, on top of begging my mother's forgiveness for my oversight (oh, the infinite grace of a mother!) I turned to the Lord and asked Him what could I do to honor her today. I believe He put it on my heart to tell her about the things I remember.

My mother is a woman who likes to keep busy. Even if she is sitting still, she needs to be doing something with her hands. She is an artist with yarn, and not only has knitted beautiful sweaters for me, but I especially remember a bunting bag for my dolls she made that was perfect because you could put all your doll stuff in the bottom of it. I wished I still had it for my real babies, but we couldn't find it or the pattern again. Crochet is her preference now, and she is generous with her creations. Her handmade, intricate afghans have been given to many as gifts, including the kids at the Children's Hospital. I love her creative process. She takes great care to choose her colors and patterns, and almost always alters the pattern to make it her own. If she makes an error, she will always unravel and fix it. Even if she was almost done and it was near the beginning. It always boggled my mind that she would do that when only she would know there was a flaw. Now I know it is a mark of her character and integrity. I think she enjoys the process just as much as the end result.

My mom has a servant heart. If you have followed this blog, you know she was there for us through everything we went through with the twins. But you should also know that she has always been there for her children. I remember the lengths she would go to for our Hallowe'en costumes. She once hand-made a Raggedy Ann costume for me, complete with red yarn wig. She also sourced out all the things I needed to be a mad scientist one year. I don't know that I would do that even for my own kids, to be honest.

Our house was always neat and clean. We always ate homemade, nourishing food. I didn't know it at the time, but the care that she put into our home was a center point of stability for us. Our family had its issues, as most families do, but our home was not chaotic. And she was so kind to me. As a traditional home, the care of the household was my mom's responsibility. She would remember how she felt as the only daughter growing up, and would often excuse me from chores. I wish I knew then what I know now. I would have helped her more.

We never went out shopping on a Saturday until she took the time to balance her checkbook. I wish I had paid more attention to the significance of that. She has always been a careful steward of what has been entrusted to her, and I respect that. I wish that kind of attribute was genetic. I have had to learn that one the hard way.

I remember how kind she was to our elderly neighbor growing up. She would visit with her often, check in on her, and help her out. I admire that quality in her. I would like to be like that. My Christianity has tended to be theoretical. Hers has been practical.

There are so many more things I remember. And they are the things that now shape how I serve my own family. I have had a slow maturity. I am not the girl I once was. But I believe the woman I am becoming has had a lot to do with remembering all the ways I was served by my mother.

Happy Easter

"...in Your Kingdom, broken lives are made new..."

He is risen indeed!