5 years

I feel like I've said everything that can be said about my Nicholas and Olivia - their birth, their life, their death, their purpose.  Today marks 5 years since I gave birth to twins on their father's birthday.  I've never said that yet.  Parents always marvel at the passage of time, but we still marvel at the widening gap between knowing them and living without them.

This picture is from Sabrina's 5th birthday.  I did not get a chance to celebrate this milestone with her either because I was with her brother in the hospital.  I am sad about that too.

We will celebrate this day and remember.  There will be balloons and cards and cake.  There will be laughter and memories and love.

happy father's day

 The best darn dad we ever had.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
 Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
They shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.
Psalm 127: 4-5

Happy Mother's Day!

Me and my girls.

One of the few pictures of the three of us.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Psalm 127:3

Happy 2nd Birthday!!

Zoe, each day we get to share with you is precious.  You are a gift from God indeed.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.

Psalm 23:6

Robbed, Part II

I hesitated at going through with my previous post, but there is something healing in being truthful and bringing dark places to the light.  I didn't mean to leave things here that raw for so long, because in fact just by sharing it took the power out of it and it is a healed place now.  So, here is the conclusion:

Yes, I was robbed.  But Jesus made it right.

Robbed

I was robbed.

For a long time I have not wanted to admit this.  Because I didn't want to acknowledge that we live in a world in which I can be robbed and God is still good.

But I was still robbed.  And God is still good.

I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth.
Job 19:25

Remembering Olivia

Where has my little Livvie gone?  Where is the sister that belongs between the oldest and the youngest?  Where is the tiny bright one?

Olivia's death was so desolate because we thought she was to be our consolation.  We were determined that her loss would not be the death of hope as well.  We were determined that hope would continue on.

That's a lot of responsibility for a baby girl, but I think she would have been able to handle it.  I was so curious to see the woman she would grow up to be.  I could see a glimpse of it in the little person she was.

Olivia Hope, what more can I say?  You already know my heart.  Peace, little one.

But I am like an olive tree
   flourishing in the house of God;
I trust in God’s unfailing love
   for ever and ever.
For what you have done I will always praise you
   in the presence of your faithful people.
And I will hope in your name,
   for your name is good. 
Psalm 52:8-9