Making Room

We live in a three-bedroom house. One bedroom for Sabrina, one bedroom for Corrie & I, and one bedroom for the twins. Their room is actually the best room in the whole house, south-facing, spacious and bright, tucked away in the back corner, a warm sunny yellow room. And still set up just the way it was when Nicholas & Olivia were here.

I never meant for it to be a memorial, or to remain untouched. It has been Sabrina's favorite room to play in, sometimes a temporary storage room, but always Nicholas & Olivia's room. I confess there was still even some of Olivia's laundry in the hamper that needed to be washed and put away.

Until Corrie's mom came for a visit, I hadn't really considered a change. We had a baby's room all ready. She asked me how we were going to get ready for Zoe and it didn't really hit me until then that in order to make room for Zoe we needed to move Nicholas & Olivia out of their room. That was the last place in the house that still represented to me that they were still a part of the family. I had always thought that I hadn't tackled cleaning out the twins' room because I didn't need to, and never really knew what to do with it. Now I know that I hadn't done it because I didn't want to move them out of their room.

God has been so good to me over this holiday season. As you can read in some of my November and December posts, I've had some ups and downs. Adjusting to this new reality was part of it. But once He reminded me that it was OK to move forward, that it wouldn't dishonor my babies, I've been able to approach making room with some anticipation. Sabrina is going to move into the sunny back bedroom. She has a connection with the twins and has always gravitated toward that room. I don't have to kick Nicholas & Olivia out, because they will always be part of Sabrina. Zoe will be welcomed into Sabrina's old room. We will paint and get it ready just for her, knowing that her older brother and sisters would be happy to share some of their things with her, as well as adding some new things that will be her own.

I spent a sunny, peaceful afternoon going through Nicholas & Olivia's things today and making a memory box for each of them. I marveled at how tiny Olivia's clothes were and remembered how cute Nicholas looked in his overalls. I went through cards and letters and was reminded of how much love and support we have received over the last couple of years. I made a space for their most precious keepsakes in our bedroom.

We are making room for where God wants to take us next, and are at peace with it.