I discovered today again that my thinking is really messed up. As we have approached and passed the 3-month mark, I've been venturing out more, only to be pulled home to feed Zoe. One of the big perks of breastfeeding for me was how it was supposed to be easy and convenient. It is to a point, but I am much more comfortable feeding Zoe at home. I think I've mentioned before that oversupply has been our issue, and I continue to struggle to manage the "abundance of my provision". It just does not lend to simply popping baby to breast mid-conversation, mid-meal, or mid-outing.
As I was mulling over what to do next to make breastfeeding more mobile, I was struck by the thought "Why?". I like the peaceful closeness of our times on the couch, sometimes in prayer, sometimes with book in hand, sometimes watching TV. And it's only going to be available to me for a short while longer. I think I've been putting myself on a timeline again. That I "should" be out and about now that it's been 3 months already. More concerned about what people might be thinking about me being at home than about what Zoe and I need right now. Messed up, right?
I think God arranges these situations to teach me a better way to live. Not having breastfeeding come easily or naturally has given me the simple gift of enjoying this time with my precious Zoe. How long will it take for Him to cleanse from me this disease of busyness, of accomplishment, of needing to "do" to feel worthy? It amazes me that I have to continue to give myself permission to enjoy this time of sweet togetherness with my family.
2 comments:
Thank you!! Trying to enjoy every moment but still fighting thrush and still breastfeeding...
hahahah as usual my Lisa is overthinking again.. remember there are no rules .. take it day by day and enjoy whatever youre doing !!! Thats the only thing our Lord asks of you.. love ya too much!!!!!!!!!!! mom xxxxxooooo
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