I'm now heading into territory with Zoe that I didn't really have with Nicholas & Olivia. The first three months with twins was so hectic that if you could get them fed, napped, and clean then you were doing well. Then Nicholas got sicker and sicker in his fourth month, and I spent that month in the hospital with him, missing out on what would have been my only opportunity to spend time with Olivia before she got sick.
Zoe is growing and developing daily. She is trying to roll over, wants to sit up, can raise herself up for long periods of time when on her tummy, and is starting to play with toys. She's so much fun! But my only point of reference now is Sabrina, and since her infancy was seven years ago already, I'm finding that I'm looking back at her photo albums to supplement my unreliable memory.
I'm sad that Nicholas & Olivia are being passed by already. They will be babies forever for us here on earth. I get the same feeling when someone asks me how many children I have. When I answer "four" they make such a fuss about how busy I must be that I feel it's dishonest if I don't clarify that my twins-who-would-be-3 are no longer with us. Then their focus turns toward Zoe because she's here and so cute. If I don't answer "four" then I feel guilty for leaving them out.
I know they can't be left behind because they have gone on ahead. Either way, they have still left a toddler-sized hole in our family that will never feel comfortable.
No comments:
Post a Comment