We Remember You

The twins' 3rd birthday kind of snuck up on me. As I was running around trying to complete too many errands yesterday I got blindsided by a hidden pocket of frustration that I didn't think was still there. The utter futility of trying to celebrate in any kind of traditional way a birthday of children that were no longer here.

So I recognized it for what it was, got my stuff done, and spent some time pondering what I needed to do with this birthday. I waste so much time either trying to do things perfectly or the way they "should" be done. I waste so much time trying to avoid people's judgment of whether I've done things the right way or not. I was going to buy some balloons to release but it didn't hold any meaning for me any more. I would be doing it to tell people that's how I remembered my kids today, on their "would-be" 3rd birthday.

What also complicates things is that it's Corrie's birthday too. They now go hand-in-hand. But I realized this morning that this is in fact a gift to us. Because of Corrie's birthday, we already have the support of family and friends around us. We don't have to try to make a special effort to remember Nicholas & Olivia on a day all their own and because they share a birthday with their dad they will not be forgotten.

We will always remember that joyous day on July 18, 2007 when we were blessed to have Nicholas & Olivia join our family.