Moving Forward is not the same as Moving On

My mom and sister-in-law came out last weekend to help us move Sabrina into the twins' room and set up Sabrina's old room as Zoe's room. It was a blessed weekend - we treated Sabrina to a room makeover that's much more in line with her personality. Zoe's room looks wonderful and fills me with joy every time I walk by it. We also spent a couple days scrapbooking and I was able to give some honor and space to the last of the items I had saved to remember.

Now that we actually have moved rooms, I think that I need to clarify something here. Moving forward is not the same as moving on.

Moving on implies that you are leaving someone behind. Moving forward brings them with you.

The hardest part about my grief journey has been overcoming a need to do it right. Has it been at the right pace? Do I look right as a grieving mom? Have I remembered my children in the right way? What I've appreciated most is that usually people do not offer any input other than to affirm wherever I'm at for the moment. Usually. But it's the occasional comment - I'm sure meant well - that sends me back into a tailspin and I get defensive because I did not fit into their expectations of where I should have been by now. But God is so good. He reminds me that my journey is for me and Him alone, and I do not need to receive anything that is not from Him.

I loved having a room for Nicholas & Olivia. It was a tangible way to keep them part of our family, to give them space. It was a room that was visited by myself and others when they wanted to reconnect with our babies. I offer no apology for keeping it as their room for as long as I did. I had no motivation to "move on" from them.

I also love that Zoe is coming. And that God in His infinite patience, gently led me through a process of moving forward that makes room for our little one without leaving anyone behind. I was never worried about making room for Zoe. She is full of life and her arrival is highly anticipated. I was more worried about my three other children. Sabrina, my oldest. She went through everything with us and has emerged a loving girl with a beautiful spirit, despite all our parenting mistakes along the way. Nicholas & Olivia, my twins. I fight to make sure they are remembered because that's my job as their mom.

Friends, if you have not gone through the painful stuff because it is too hard, I fear for you. And if you think that I'm better off now because I've "moved on" from the painful stuff, I grieve for you. What you've missed out on is a precious opportunity to let God heal your broken places and make you whole.