Zoe has been hard at work practicing all day...
Monday, October 25, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Have/Had
I've written before about the difficulty I was still having in navigating the question "How many children do you have?" It comes up quite often, especially as my circle is being widened and more time has passed since Nicholas and Olivia were with us. Most people who have lost a loved one have lost parents, siblings, friends, or family members and are not usually asked about them in passing conversation. If you have lost a spouse you can be defined as a widow or widower. There is no description for a grieving parent.
In response to the question asked of me today, I responded that we have 4 children - Sabrina and Zoe who are with us, and twins that passed away a couple of years ago. His reply emphasized that we had twins and at the time I thought his use of "had" instead of "have" was insensitive. But I think I need to think about this some more. I really don't have twins anymore. Their beautiful spirits left this earth almost 3 years ago, and what I have are photos, keepsakes, and memories.
My heart does not want to leave out Nicholas and Olivia when I talk about my children. But I think I can finally find some resolution to this by changing a simple word. I have had 4 children - I have Sabrina and Zoe, and had Nicholas and Olivia. By God's grace, I've come to accept that, and acceptance is a peaceful place to be.
In response to the question asked of me today, I responded that we have 4 children - Sabrina and Zoe who are with us, and twins that passed away a couple of years ago. His reply emphasized that we had twins and at the time I thought his use of "had" instead of "have" was insensitive. But I think I need to think about this some more. I really don't have twins anymore. Their beautiful spirits left this earth almost 3 years ago, and what I have are photos, keepsakes, and memories.
My heart does not want to leave out Nicholas and Olivia when I talk about my children. But I think I can finally find some resolution to this by changing a simple word. I have had 4 children - I have Sabrina and Zoe, and had Nicholas and Olivia. By God's grace, I've come to accept that, and acceptance is a peaceful place to be.
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