In the depths of my recent wilderness wandering, I finally had to be real before the Lord and express that I was angry at Him and that I couldn't trust Him. I was angry that I was so tired and so tired because I couldn't trust Him.
What brought me to my knees shortly afterward was the revelation that the God I couldn't trust wasn't God. It was a god of my own making. An composite of years of misconceptions and assumptions.
"You shall not make for yourself a carved image—any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. " Exodus 20:4
Simply, anything that you bow down to that is not God as revealed in His Word is a false god. An idol. A carved image of your own making. It doesn't have to be carved out of wood and sitting on your mantel to be an idol.
One of my idols is the need to know. Without the grace of God I will bow down to it before I will submit in faith to His way. Another idol that demands to be bowed down to is that orphan spirit that says I need to take care of myself. That idol tells me God's grace is not sufficient and I better look out for number one because no one else will.
Every one of God's commandments were written in love, because God is love. He can't do anything outside of love, because that's what He is. He didn't demand to be number one because He is on an eternal power trip. We need Him to be number one for our salvation. Because when any one thing becomes stronger than the love of God in our lives it can only lead to our destruction.
I am happier now. Healing and regaining strength. Through prayer and intercession, He is tearing down enemy strongholds and smashing false gods in my life. Friends, seek to know Jesus while He can be found. The real Jesus. Not the one you think He is.