Moses My servant is dead. Now therefore, arise, go over this Jordan, you and all this people, to the land which I am giving to them—the children of Israel. Joshua 1:2I love listening to Joyce Meyer teach the Word. She has a way of presenting truth with a refreshing directness and clarity that makes you take notice of the things you need to bring before the Lord to change in your life. Recently I have been making my way through a teaching series of hers based on the redemptive names of God.
In learning about Jehovah Nissi, "the Lord is my Banner", her teaching had led to sharing the message from the Lord that there are things in our lives we have been grieving and mourning over too long. And that in the Old Testament the Lord had even gone to the detail of determining how long mourning periods should be for us. He allowed the Israelites to grieve Moses for a month before appearing to Joshua and telling him essentially to move on.
My first reaction was to be offended. She has never lost a child - has 4 successful children in fact - and would have no idea what it is like to lose one. But her statement intrigued me and I resolved to research it out for myself, because I had always seen statements in the Bible where God comforts those who mourn.
What I have been learning is that the word for mourn in Hebrew really referred to a specific time period of mourning, where rituals and observances would be followed. You would be allowed to openly and publicly mourn for a time, and then when that period was done, would be expected to recognize that God is sovereign and seek Him for what was next in your life. In the Psalms, David expressed grief as well, but at the same time he implored his soul to seek the Lord to determine why he was so downcast.
The longer I meditated on these things, the better I felt. God doesn't expect me to mourn forever, the world does. And in being pulled back into it time and time again is exhausting, and denies the truth that God who is sovereign, is good. Trying to fight something that cannot be changed is fighting a losing battle.
Before you get offended yourselves or start writing me to tell me it's OK to grieve, let me reassure you that missing my children and feeling sadness over their loss is different than allowing a spirit of grief to take over my heart and mind. And maybe if our society actually had some mourning rituals and gave time and space and support to those who mourn, maybe they wouldn't need to hold on to the mourning for as long as they do. Regardless, my heart has been lightened by the thought that mourning could actually be set aside and that I could take the step into the next chapter of my life.
(Jordan River photo credit Ivan Makarov)
5 comments:
Beautiful post Lisa. I have been back to read it twice now.
excellent and Amen!
This is a lovely post, but I wonder... would you feel the same way if you were not pregnant again? The next chapter of your life includes caring for a baby, which is what you have been missing. For me, I don't think we will have another baby, and it is much harder for me to be at peace with what the next phase of life is going to be... it was supposed to include caring for a baby!
Anonymous Guest, I really appreciate your question. I was actually surprised at how much positive response I've received to this post, and before writing it struggled with making a public declaration that I was stepping into whatever is next for us.
I believe I would be at this crossroads regardless of whether we are expecting or not. It has been 2 years since our babies passed away and in those two years we have lived in inertia, not having any idea what to do next. Perhaps the pregnancy is a catalyst, but I am also aware that taking care of a baby may not be my next phase of life. We do not know how long our Zoe will be with us until she is tested at birth. But I do know that something in our life has to change, and allowing a spirit of grief to smother any attempt to break out and step into something new has not gotten us anywhere.
I actually had to give up the dream of caring for another baby before Zoe came along. I had even made a request for a tubal ligation, after deciding with Corrie that that phase of our life was done. I love how God works when we take action in our life. I never did get the appointment (there's a long waiting list) and here I am pregnant again.
So, I don't know what's next, but I do know I had to lay some things down and take a step forward.
Thank you so much for responding to my question. There is so much I have to give up before I can move on. It's nice to read about how someone else has gone through it and continues to go through it. Thank you for your honesty and letting us share in your journey!
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