Fighting

I've realized recently that it was easier to believe that Zoe will be strong and healthy earlier on in the pregnancy, when vigorous movements were common and the due date was far off. Now that we're in the final month and she's getting bigger and running out of room, I've fought anxiety each time movements don't seem to be as strong. I've also fought thoughts like "God took your other two, what will stop Him from taking this one" and "Whatever lessons needed to be learned from Nicholas and Olivia, what if they still need to be learned from Zoe?" and "God can really make an example of you this time if Zoe is sick too".

The key word is fought. I will not receive those thoughts. I will stand and fight. I remind myself that I don't deserve a "bad" outcome, but I don't deserve a "good" outcome either. God's grace is not about deserving or earning. There's nothing I can do or say or fast or pray to earn God's favor. It is a free gift, mine to receive.

I can trust. I can seek a deep understanding of God's goodness and His unfathomable love for me. I can immerse myself in the power of His Word and remember He is an amazing God who loves to come into situations where the odds are against us and show Himself mighty to save. I know that just believing in something doesn't mean that it will happen. But I do know that my job is to believe, and rest in the truth that God is sovereign, and that He is love.

God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. (1 John 4:18, The Message)

Father God, please give me a deep revelation of your love so that there is no room in my life for fear.