Sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by dates. Because Nicholas and Olivia were babies, I am always reminded on the 18th of the month of how old they would have been if they were still here.Now on top of developmental milestones that I cannot recognize anymore, I have two more dates to remind me of how long it's been since I held my children last. Today, on the 12th, I remember that Olivia went to be with Jesus 5 months ago now. Coming up on the 27th marks another month gone by without Nicholas.
I find consolation in the thought that with Sabrina, after about 1 year of age, I stopped keeping track of how many months old she was. I hope that's the same with grieving too, that at some point those dates blend in with the rhythms of all my other days and that month-by-month milestones become anniversaries.
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I started off marking days, then weeks, then months, then years. The first time I noticed that I missed a marker I would be upset, like it was some sort of betrayal. Then I realized that was a natural part of healing.
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