I love my children's names. You really need to love their names, because you say them often: "Sabrina, please come here. Sabrina, can you help me? Sabrina, I love you. Sabrina, please clean up your room. Sabrina....what are you up to?" Their names are precious to me, because Corrie and I chose them with love, care, and consideration for their future.
Sabrina's name came from the main character in the movie "Sabrina" (the newer one with Julia Ormond & Harrison Ford). Corrie & I really liked the name, and for us it was associated with this beautiful girl with a good heart who ended up with the fairytale ending. Her middle name is Faith, because it was going to take a huge leap of faith to leave our comfortable life as a couple and invite a child in.
When I was pregnant with the twins, I knew that I wanted to have an Olivia, because to me it means "one of peace". I knew God was going to give us a peaceful experience with our next child since we had such a hard time adjusting to life with our first baby. By God's grace, Corrie liked the name too. Her middle name is Hope, which I think speaks for itself.
Once we found out that we were having a boy as well as a girl, we struggled to find a boy's name we both liked. Nicholas was a suggestion from a family member, and we both liked it as soon as we heard it. When I looked it up later, I saw that it meant "victory of the people". What a legacy to give a child! His middle names are Jan William, just like his dad.
I don't have the opportunity to speak Nicholas' and Olivia's names as much as I would like. I believe a name defines who you are and is a part in shaping your destiny. It is very much a part of you. I never thought that a part of grieving for departed children would be a realization that those names we chose with loving care would not be spoken as a part of everyday life anymore. I know there will be more Nicholas' and Olivia's in the world, but these two were my Nicholas and my Olivia. (or Nicky and Livvie, if you're talking to Sabrina)
I really miss being able to talk about my twins. I always have a Sabrina story to share, but I'm not often presented with opportunities to talk about Nicholas or Olivia. I love to say their names out loud, I love to write them, and I love to think about them and the little people that they defined. I think that's why I like writing in this blog. Here is my audience to use their names as much as I want.
7 comments:
I love mentioning Jenna's name too. I could talk about her all the time. Thanks for sharing your precious little Nicholas and Olivia here with us.
Many hugs,
Sumi
It's interesting how people avoid or hesitate to mention the names of lost loved ones to those who have lost them. So many people would stop just before they were about to speak of my mom but then realize they were too far into the story and had to finish. I guess what they forget is that this is your reality, your everyday, that name is forefront in your mind much of the time. That awkward pause can just make you feel like you are causing the awkwardness. I know it is just people trying to be sensitive.
I think it was Alyson who commented on how wonderful she thought the twins names were when I showed her the picture. She liked the whole set of names, Olivia Hope, and Nicholas Jan William. They are great names.
I really like the names you chose too!
My husband and I always agonize over names...we put alot of thought into them too. So when Nick "made up" the name Amryn Nicole the name became "ours" (we couldn't find it in any baby book, so we had to make up our own meaning, although if you google it there are one or two out there in the world). It was unique, and we hoped and prayed so hard that she would be allowed to grow up with it, healthy and strong. God had different plans, but the name was still unique and has special meaning to us.
Only 7 weeks after her death, someone emailed me and mentioned that their daughter in law, who was not pregnant yet but thinking about it, was wondering if it would be ok if she called her baby "Amryn" if it happened to be a girl. She wasn't even pregnant yet! And it had only been 7 weeks! I was so angry at that person, because I wanted my own Amryn...not someone else to be named after her... especially someone I didn't know. So I can fully appreciate what you say about how important your names are. They are one of the only things you have left to remember them by...
At first I felt really guilty about being so angry- I'm sure she meant it to be nice... but I think it will take awhile before I can be ok with it. My sister says I have "no hold" on the name...once its out there it is "fair game"... what do you think? Would you be hurt or happy if someone asked you if they could use your names?
Names--M and I have a very hard time agreeing on names. I really wanted to name Gideon "Jerome" (which now I'm very glad we didn't! :)
With Tabitha, we didn't know if we were having a girl or boy, and we could not agree on a boy's name. We settled on a girl's name very early, but when we found out she had died, we didn't want to use it, so we chose Tabitha Grace. I have always loved the name, and we find the association with resurrection from the dead very comforting and fitting (Acts 9). So when we say her name, we also think, By God's grace, we will see her when we are raised from the dead. I like that... :)
Lisa,
That's a tough question...would I mind if someone asked me if they could use Nicholas' and Olivia's names?
I really identify with wanting to be protective about them. Because Nicholas and Olivia still exist as my children, it would be just like someone using their names if they were still alive. You would wonder why the parents couldn't come up with their own names for their own children. :o)
However, I think that if there's someone who loves Nicholas and Olivia and wants to remember them by naming their children after them, I would be honored. I wonder if I would want it to be a middle name though because I think it would be difficult to hear their names being used in everyday life for children that were not my own. I don't know - it could be such a reminder of what I don't have, or it could be a wonderful reminder of what I did have.
But I also understand that the spirit of it would be to honor them and not to replace them, and that's what I think would make it OK for me.
lol- I have to add, though- that a baby giraffe was named after Amryn at the zoo near our home...but that was different because I was the one who suggested it (:
You can read about that on my blog...
Hi,
I just found your blog tonight and read through it all with tears. I met you in the PICU at Children's in Winnipeg in November. My daughter was in the room next to Nicholas' for 2 or 3 days and we talked a bit. I met your sweet Sabrina as well. So sorry to hear about the passing of your 2 beautiful children. I have been so incredibly blessed and challenged reading through your story. Your honesty is amazing. I was challenged to make my daily walk with God more real and to lean on him even when things seem to be going okay...thanks so much for sharing your story. Sandie
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