Sometimes it feels like I'm walking a minefield. I'm in the age group that is having children and adding to their families. I'm surrounded by birth announcements, pregnancies, new babies, couples at church with children in tow. I cannot avoid the constant reminders of what I've lost.I take a step forward and celebrate with dear friends. Next step. I relinquish the jealousy that rises up. Another step. I keep my sorrow to myself at the announcement of more baby news. I don't always want to be the reminder to those carrying new life of the worst that can happen. Step by step, my Lord walks with me, taking the hit of those landmines exploding all around.
And He enables me to find joy in the presence of new life, the hope that comes with increase, and peace in the promise of good things to come.
7 comments:
I just had a weird thought. God turns mourning into dancing, not the opposite... I wonder if being allowed to acknowledge the grief these reminders bring is a prerequisite to the dancing part... Maybe it is the natural order of things in these instances.
I have been thinking about you the past couple of days.
Love,
Misty
Hey Lisa i wrote to you on facebook by mistake ...i wanted to share my thoughts .. i love you...mom
Hey Ma, I thought I would bring your thoughts over from Facebook:
"Just remember Lisa there are no babies any where that spread so much love in such a short period of time ,or changed so many lives , or taught so many lessons to so many people , or taught so many people how precios our children are , and how important it is to cherish every moment our children are children, and im sure you can think of many more reasons Nicky and Livy were here with us even for a short time. those of us who knew them and loved them (and there are a lot of us ) will never forget them because of love they left us......... ilove you. i love NICKY and OLIVIA xxxxxooooo"
Misty, I like the way you think.
Oh, Lisa, I get it! I really do.
HUGS...
You know Lisa I'm glad you wrote that. It has been hard for me to call or send pictures of my growing belly as I feel guilty being pregnant because I don't want you to feel sad but I also want to celebrate with you the joy that being pregnancy brings. I'm glad you are able to be happy for others but I am sad that you have to be jealous and sad at the same time. I have another friend that recently lost her baby and I find it so difficult for me to show my face as I can not hide my growing baby. But I do remember how happy those babies made/make you feel.I know we haven't spoken alot but I do check your blogue often to see how you are doing.
Ebony
Ebony,
I'm glad you shared your heart. Never feel guilty for carrying the blessing of new life! It's your gift and never meant to be anyone else's burden. It's up to each one of us who has experienced loss to reconcile their feelings with their Creator, and I choose to always set jealousy aside. It still tries to rear its ugly head, but I decided a while ago that to feed it will only make it grow.
I'm so excited for you and your family! I check out your photos on Facebook often :o)
Love,
Lisa
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