When we were fresh from losing Nicholas & Olivia, we had genetic counselling. We wanted to know if there was any way to conceive a child free of SMA. A complicated, expensive option told to us at the time was the possibility of creating fertilized embryos, and pre-testing them to determine which ones were "healthy" and which ones were "sick".
The question I couldn't answer was, what do we do with the "sick" ones? Each of them would be the beginning of a child that we created. Destroy them? Leave them in storage indefinitely? We could not go ahead with a procedure that created such a dilemma. [For those readers who have contemplated or gone through with this procedure, please read no judgment into our thought process. This is our personal journey and each couple in this situation faces their own unique way of making this decision.]
Time passed and the decision to try again lay dormant, resurrected from time to time by each of us in turn (usually when the other wasn't ready). What finally started to turn things for me was taking part in the Children's Hospital radiothon earlier this year. None of those parents would have chosen the path that they had been put on, but once on those paths, they would not have traded the experiences they had with their exceptional children for anything. I began to wonder what "healthy" and "sick" really meant, and whether we as a society have the right perspective in seeking perfection when it comes to our children.
I came to the realization that just as we could not make the choice between our "healthy" embryos and our "sick" embryos (they were all our children to us), we could no longer hold back a choice between conceiving a "healthy" child and a "sick" child. We had to lay down our fear and put aside the condition that we would only try again if we knew the outcome would be what we wanted. If we were able to predict the outcome that we wanted each time, would we have chosen to conceive Nicholas and Olivia? It's a scary thought.
Do you ever wonder what you may have missed out on because you were too afraid to try? I don't want to live like that. Because of God's amazing grace, I know He will lead us with infinite wisdom and extravagant love. He has promised good things for our family.
4 comments:
You know what my opinion is:-)
I am so happy that God has brought you to this place.
Your post made me cry because you simply took the words right from my heart. My husband and I have been grappling about our choices regarding how and when to add to our family of three and while we are not ready yet, or decision is the same as yours. We are going to leave it in God's hands beacuse we could not destroy a life, no matter how "sick" it was. That would mean that we may as well choose not to be Nicholas's parents, because he is sick after all. And that I could never do. Thank you for your candor. This post truly touched my heart.
As I was preparing to print your last post, my eyes fell on the verse you had in your profile...Psalm 27:13 "What, WHAT would have become of me had I not believed that I would see the Lord's goodness "in the land of the living!" I claim that as a promise to our family and I'm proud to sign myself,
Gramma of 4
Thank you for your amazing honesty. Mike and I have also been grappling with all of the choices. We have decided that when the time is right we will know the right thing to do.
We are so happy for you!
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