Longing

I really miss Olivia today. When I think about my twins, I always imagine them as they would look at their current age, and I saw a parent with a child at church today who reminded me of Olivia. I could see her in my mind's eye: her hair would be long enough for a little feathery pigtail; she would be wearing a little jumper with tights and shoes; sitting straight up on my hip, looking around with her bright blue eyes. My mind's eye then immediately asked where Nicholas was, because that's the natural response for a mom of twins. Oh, how I long for my children, my babies.

Does grieving get worse before it gets better? I think you can ride your body's natural shock response for quite a while, especially if you keep yourself busy. For a time I think your brain protects you from the reality of what has happened. But the more time passes, and your children aren't back home where they should be, the more real it becomes.