I thought that if I did my grief work like a good girl that I would move through it faster. Sheesh.
Turns out that if you do your grief work like a good girl, and not stuff it way down with all the other stuff down there, you have to work through the stuff down there too. Double sheesh.
Then not only are you grieving for the loss of your children, but for who you were, what you did when you were who you were, and what you were supposed to be but aren't yet.
Clear as mud?
4 comments:
I guess it's kinda weird to comment on your own blog, but as I scrolled through after posting this one, I noticed that I've gone from being new wine to mud. Triple sheesh. :o)
I don't mean to minimize your pain but new wine to mud... I am chuckling to myself.
I also don't know if you will find this to be good news but I read a book by a woman who thinks the stages of grief thing is crap. She says it is more like cycles of grief. Yes the cycles get further apart after a while but it doesn't totally go away.
And your comment about greiving other loses... totally true.
This is exactly what I have been thinking lately. My daughter was stillborn at 38 weeks two months ago. I feel like I am doing everything "right"---so, shouldn't it be at least a little bit easier?!? But it's not...it's still so hard, for all those reasons that you listed.
Thanks for writing.
Hannah
(onebookafteranother.blogspot.com)
I don't know how you figured these things out on your own. Eight months after my miscarriage I went to see a counsellor because reading the right books and saying the right things hadn't helped me. She gave me permission to grieve in my own way and at my own pace. I couldn't do that for myself. Steph
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