My Mom

I don't think I would have been a very easy child to raise. I was bright and inquisitive but also fiercely independent and very opinionated. I had all the answers to everything. I don't know if I really ever remember letting my mom "mother" me. Sure, I took for granted the three nutritious meals a day, the clean laundry and house, a ride wherever and whenever I needed it, but did I share my heart with her?

After Sabrina was born, my mom came to stay with us for a week. I was so glad for that. Her willing spirit and peaceful presence held our little family up that first crazy week as we were adjusting to our new life. It was the first time I can remember that I reached out to her in need emotionally as well as practically and it took our relationship to a level that, looking back, was something she may have been wanting for a long time.

When we knew we were expecting twins, we asked her to come and help "for a while". Little did we all know that a "while" would end up being six months! She came in July and we spent a week (or two?) sitting on the patio, talking about life and God and family. Once the babies arrived, she sprang into action. We three were a team, Corrie, my mom, and I. We set up shifts to ensure we were each getting enough rest and that there were always two adults around for each baby. Again, her willing spirit and peaceful presence was the glue that held us together. My mom is a woman of action - if there's something that needs to be done, it gets done! And that was such a comfort to Corrie, who is a self-confirmed neat freak. Between the two of them our house was clean, neat, and tidy, with bottles & formula always ready to go.

What I treasure most is that she committed to staying and helping us until I was ready to let her go home. She gave up everything for us - being with my dad, taking care of her own home, the job that she really enjoyed. And she still says she would do it all again.

In this day and age of fierce independence, rebellion, and selfishness, I marvel at a woman who put herself aside just to serve me and my family. Yes, I'm her daughter, and yes, I certainly did expect her to come and help for a time. I also understand that not everyone has the same life circumstances that allows for such a sacrifice. But she came, and she stayed through no sleep, Olivia's colic, her own time of intense illness, Corrie & I fighting under stress, Sabrina's acting out, and being apart from my dad. Then she came back to stay through Nicholas' illness, me living at the hospital, Nicholas' death and funeral. Then she came back to stay again through Olivia's illness, me living at the hospital again, Olivia's death and funeral. I couldn't have made it through all that without her.

But what she'll tell you is that she stayed because she enjoyed being with us and her grandchildren, and that the time she had with them is so precious that it more than made up for all the other stuff.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I think I get it. I think I'm starting to understand what a true mother-daughter relationship should look like. Now that I've seen the root of independence rearing its ugly head in Sabrina, I've been able to recognize that there were moments where I think my mom may have wondered just what to do with this kid who knew it all and didn't need anybody. She was too kind-hearted and so respectful of the boundaries I had set to push herself upon me.


One of Nicholas and Olivia's gifts was to my mom. They gave her a daughter who finally recognized her as her mother.