Room to be Not OK

It is my hope and my prayer that my writing is authentic. One of the greatest things I've learned over the last year is that being real is best. What does it mean to be real? Asking for help when you need it. Being able to admit it when you're wrong. Putting your vulnerability out there. Showing who you really are.

In my writing and in everyday life, it is my hope and my prayer that you are seeing who I really am. I'm so grateful that I have friends and loved ones who rejoice that I can be OK even while learning how to live with great loss. I'm also grateful that I have friends and loved ones who will give me room to be "not OK". I'm in a place where I feel connected with all my children and have accepted that I need to relate to Nicholas and Olivia in a different way than I do with Sabrina. It's a good place to be.

There are things I miss, though. Soft baby skin. Tiny hands and feet. The scent of the tops of their heads. Cute little outfits for them to wear. Achieving developmental milestones. Being able to hold them close, both at the same time. It's hard to live here in the physical world and only being able to see glimpses into the next world where they have gone on ahead.

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. (I Corinthians 13:12, KJV)